Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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