Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
