the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
