is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
