I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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