Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
