My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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