your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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