honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.