I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize