she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
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my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.