there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Don't tell me you're on acid again