Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
