Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  You weighed it?

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  (817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car? (1-817): You weighed it? http://tfl.nu/lai6
  Replies (37) Good night (22355) Bad night (1602)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

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  (678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p
  Replies (24) Good night (1508) Bad night (3809)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him

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  (336): he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down (919): i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him http://tfl.nu/upw6
  Replies (67) Good night (3931) Bad night (1162)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial

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  (757): this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial http://tfl.nu/3bm0
  Replies (11) Good night (649) Bad night (3806)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.

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  (217): Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation. http://tfl.nu/9spz
  Replies (14) Good night (9465) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot

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  (630): i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot http://tfl.nu/y6a1
  Replies (12) Good night (3410) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests

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  (214): I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests http://tfl.nu/7t18
  Replies (9) Good night (3354) Bad night (915)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.

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  (908): Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester. http://tfl.nu/ge44
  Replies (9) Good night (2092) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.

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  (616): She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs. http://tfl.nu/e8xn
  Replies (6) Good night (1952) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.

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  (804): My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/bitm
  Replies (11) Good night (2998) Bad night (1263)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.

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  (785): After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this. http://tfl.nu/akz0
  Replies (8) Good night (1936) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."

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  (858): I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave." http://tfl.nu/gasm
  Replies (14) Good night (1462) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really

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  (315): Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really http://tfl.nu/gifi
  Replies (4) Good night (1691) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!

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  (402): WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?! http://tfl.nu/drpl
  Replies (21) Good night (1507) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.

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  (505): We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing. http://tfl.nu/u4qz
  Replies (2) Good night (873) Bad night (212)

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