not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
