Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He has the fingertips of a God
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