I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.