I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
