Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
