I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
