Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
