Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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