Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
