MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
