my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
