my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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