It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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