STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
