Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
