what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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