The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
