dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
