my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
