i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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