lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
