i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
