dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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