Betty ford says i'm here all night
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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