Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
