apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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