On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
