I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
