Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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