In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
