i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
