Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
