K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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