I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
