Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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