I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
