You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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