Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
