As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
send nudes
from the living room?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
