and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
