I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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