I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
