You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
