Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
