We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
