Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
