if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
