Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
