i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
