Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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