The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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