hotel room ftw
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
