I'm so fucking centered right now
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
