I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
