Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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