It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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