i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
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So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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