pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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