two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
