Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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