Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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