When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
