he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
