her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
